i wish time to go faster..

yes.......time must travel at a faster speed than it is travelling now!!!!!!!!!!!
i want my IA to stop asap............
though i am getting used to working life now....everyday knock off then go home....if not go out......no worries about exams...tutorials and ecas.........but i really cant stand the stress and time moving so slowly la....
and i wonder whether i should knock off at 6pm sharp anot??
cos everytime that sup will give me tons of work and corrections to do at the very last min!!!!!!!! then end up....my mind will slow me down when time is ticking towards 6....and so whether he say is urgent anot...i wouldnt b too much of a bother to rush it out for him...cos he always give false alarm.........waste my time and stress me up anyhow he like...so now i am smarter........always have something to do the next morning..so that he sees that i am doing work and will not let the stingy monster in him to ask him to give me piles of work cos he is paying me a mere $750....
i dunno wat to say..i am enjoying the fact that when weekends comes...i really enjoy it.......can see "mingdao's cousin" and also my friends la....i am so happy........so when thinking about enjoyment........i really want time to go slower...........haizz.z..
i am contradicting rite???
well...i just hope the ulcer to get off my mouth and cough to recover soon...
i wan to join superstar la can.............
i just want back my normal life.....being independent and strong all the time is difficult and is a tiring process......hope i finally learnt the lesson i am supposed to learn during this period of time so that i don't repeat this part of life in later part of my life!!!!!!!!!!!
i must jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

prawns fishing experience..

i am so scare of live prawns..why i so timid??haha..can't stand it sia...always talk to rough and tough..end up scare of small live prawns...
today i forgo my usual moral home activity to go prawn fishing.......of cos my heart is still with the old folks..it always do........just that today i give it a miss cos i really want to know if i really like "mingdao's cousin".........
i think i do!!!!!!
my initial test was a negative test...i was quite convinced by the fact that so long i dun feel excited to see him...........i dun like him......but things seems wrong again...........haizz..i dunno la...
anyway...i kinda realised from one friend through another friend the kind of person i am........
seriously... am i very independent? too rough? too not blur? too not able to act cute? too red face? too strong that whenever got difficulties...i will complain and brush it off my shoulder fast?? i really dunno leh...........i sometimes feel people dun understand me well enough...sometimes i also really dunno myself well la.........
but if by having the above stated qualities........is it really so unattractive already??maybe the right guy haven comes along to appreciate and see all this qualities of me as good points......
somehow rather........i really hate it when people tell me things straight at my face...though its good intention........but afterall i am still a gal who wish to live in a fantasy once in a while........i also need a shoulder to cry on sometimes..........i also need someone to shower me with some love and concerns...........if by being strong and independent deprive me the priviledge of having someone who i like to dote on me......i rather be less strong and more dependent.........though i am not trying to degrade a woman standard in this reality world....
but i must say....when a gal is recognised and been told that she is strong and independent......i am sure deep down she still wish there is a strong enough shoulder or person to fall back on.....
i also want that chance......'
another stress i have.........i haven update my ia log book at all.........die!!!!
haizzz...
can't i have someone who dun mind my red face?? can't i have someone who loves me the way i am..........can't i like someone who i like?? can't the someone i like...like me back? so many questions and so many complains........i wish to type more..but at the same time i am afraid my friends may think i am strong and independent enough to settle all these myself..........i wish i could...but i know i needed someone standing side by side with me...........really!! i need someone to hear me out and to lend me a shoulder to lie on...i really can't stand fighting war by myself all the time..................

am i in love?

this week's topic....... is jojo finally going to forget sk and let "mingdao's cousin" take over her heart?
she is not sure..not sure at all!!
jojo has been clinging on to sk for the past 3 years......has already rooted in her heart..not easy to extract...
though jojo has been famous for her "ability to like many guys".......she is not sure this time if "mingdao's cousin" has caused a stir in her heart that resulted in typhoon uprooting sk position in her heart..
but jojo is sure that he is not likely to fall for her.....perhaps is cos she realised she is just too reserve in his presence....though jojo likes to msn him almost every night.....he doesnt seem to appreciate the "everyday" effort...to msn him......
jojo ah....what has become of u????? wake up wake up.........there is a wide forest out there........dun fall too deep with "mingdao's cousin" can anot......if things will blossom.......it already should happen....since it doesnt happen...that means the arrow between u n him was shot out of place...not meant to be.........
i don't want and don't dare to get hurt again.......jojo...can u please just see him as a good friend......perhaps things will be better..........
jojo.....in love? or not? haha...
the end of story.........................................................................

thanks for people

i am grateful to people who read my blog constantly........
recently i posted a negative entry.....and i am glad that my friends actually come and shower me with so much love and concerns...
i am so thankful..but at the same time..i still feel helpless..........
i very much wan to overcome this barrier.....just like i must train and persevere........but things just wasnt easy....

can someone please explain to me?????????

we are born into this world to learn a lesson...every experience we been through...every tramas or sweet memories are all parts and parcels of this lesson...........we will grow in the midst of all these lessons!!!!!!! what i cant understand is............why am i facing such a crisis!!!!!!!!!!
i love very much to have a boyfriend!! admit it la..people out there who call me a desperate........deep inside everyone of us..we all hope to have a support........we all need someone to show us how worthy we are in this world...how well loved we are.........
but why do i keep making the wrong decision????haizzzzzz............
first........i really like sk........but what happen??...i cant have him.......fine....
then i go like someone else...................then proven to have wasted my feelings...........cos its rejections after rejections..................then finally someone confessed that he likes me.........i am so happy to receive his sms everyday saying how he could have miss me and think of me..........but what did i do?????? i tell him....its not possible..........i broke his heart and broke mine too.............what am i doing????????? i yearn for a boyfriend...........but why do i reject someone who likes me???????? why do those that i like.......dun like me ??????????? haizzzzzzzz
i am so dejected!!!!!!! wat sort of lessons is this that i am going through??????
i have a lousy IA superviser...............thought will have a good tutor to help me get off the troubles that i am facing.........who knows......he told me its the "real world".......how am i suppose to accept all these.............can someone from above or below.....just tell me.........what are all these suppose to train me into????? to be more independent of anyone else?????? cant i slack like anyone else and relax for this half year?????? cant i enjoy a love life that every gal yearn for?????
i am just a simple gal....hoping to lead a life without much worries and sighing............ and hoping to find happiness..........dont i deserve someone to like me back after so long......letting nature takes its course has been a self deceiving praise!!!!!!!!!!!but what can i do????????
this period of time......not only must i be strong...........but i must be resilient too..........just what am i training to be????????why toughen me so much...........i just wish to be protected........and be dependent..........why forced me into such situations to be independent and strong??????i dun understand.........not at all..........
people have looks to be competitve about.........what i have?????? a singing voice??????? i no longer hear anymore praise for my singing anymore...........am i not going to be a superstar anymore????????? just tell me..............what u are training me into......so that i can accept every lessons and experience and turmoil whole heartedly............haiz...........
a despondent gal who yearns for a second chance when she rejected guys who likes her and is regretful after that cos she yearns for a boyfriend so much..........why is she under so much self thought that no one can help her with????????i dun understand how this world works anymore?????? i am just a little gal inside trying to remain in my comfort zone more..........why i cant be as lucky as other gals who got a boyfriend who dotes on them so much??????? why i cant be as lucky as those gals who have a good IA, good looks..good figure........good voice????? haiz....
am i being negative here??????? if there is by any chance a shrink who read this......i will be glad that u approached me........cos i think my mental health is getting weaker........how long more must i endure to see light of my life??????????