the time when i need to blog...

i realised whenever i am feeling stress..depressed...sad...then i blog...and i think its kinda bad...cos when i read back my stories...i will become even more sad..cos the sad stories will just go on and on............
but i want to thank changyuan for his quote...its very enlightening indeed....i have been focussing too much on what i don't have and neglect about what i have....
i have a wonderful family...i have wonderful friends...i have moral angels..i have freedom...i can see this beautiful world every day i wake up..i can hear every beautiful sounds...i can sing all the beautiful songs...i have a shelter over my head....i have a university education which most people are envious of....i have a good health....i have a not so bad personality....i have many many things which i can't list all....i must be happy!! so why am i unhappy??? can' be la...i should be more than happy...........
since my mind is clear... my heart should be clear too...........
i just to have all the time possible with my family and friends....that will be more than enough....

a new semester in school~

here i am..blogging again........
guess i don't have much readers and so i didn't update as per normal.......
here i am in the ntu lwn library...supposedly to be doing tutorial but end up blogging...
haiz...because i am stressed up!! i told myself a hundred and one times that i will enjoy school life...but it seem to be the factor to build up my stress level because of the fact that i want to feel happy means i dun have much tutorials to catch up...know everything at finger tips...only when these conditions are satisfied then i considered myself happy........what a stressful and not easy way to be happy sia.............
haiz.....i have to remind myself almost every minute and seconds to stop thinking about pursuing love...and somehow it is kinda working!!!i already forget about the "showdown" i hope to carry out with kai...cos i saw him treating everyone the same as how he treated me....so there is seriously no point in trying to get an answer which will eventually hurt me.... or spoil our friendship..... as for e....i guess he is just a good friend i hope to hang out more with....but there were no special feeling or watsoever....i saw teh the other time at the library...the feeling was not there anymore too..... then i start pondering....is there any other guys whom i want to be with or will miss him....my answer i am gladly to say is a no....i no longer wish for a boyfriend...in fact i felt he will add on to my stress and eat into my time...so i seriously got no time to waste on a guy...any guy possible too....
i have been trying hard to be fast in learning but the slow learning me isnt catching up fast enough....i needed help.........but from who??? psychologist??? tutor?? friends??? lecturers??? textbook???? or do i just heck it and let time goes by..... i hate myself for putting stress onto myself.........but i can't help it...i am slow and that is real.....i must do something about it..........like wat???? read textbooks? seek help from tutors??? clash more tutorials???? get a smart boyfriend????????? haiz...as u can see now...i am in a most undesirable state.....dying off anytime soon if the stress levels only escalates..........haiz.........
i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dun wan to pursue love....i want to pursue good results!!! is it really so difficult?????????????????????????????????????? the depressed jojo....how is she ever going to recover from this state that has bugged her since secondary school years.......................haiz.......